It’s you not me

This seems to be a new term that up until a few years ago was unheard of. It is not anything new, in fact, it has always been there but is now recognised and understood, not just by the victims but by others as well.

Like the buzz saying “oh it’s my OCD tendencies”, it has been heard people saying “it’s the narcissist in me”. These two conditions are almost treated like a joke. But it is no joke to live with a narcissist and received daily narcissistic abuse.

Narcissistic abuse can be a constant barrage of verbal abuse or can be drip fed over many years rendering the victim incapable of making any decisions for themselves.

A typical response from well-meaning friends is saying you need to stick up for yourself and why don’t you just leave him/her?
The fact is they have made you feel so useless and incapable that you feel you are unable to look after yourself and that you need them.

If we turn the tables do they need you?

Move from survivor to thriver

The good news is that you can survive without them. In fact, with therapy you can not only survive but you will thrive.

It may be that your abuser has been abused themselves. They have been brought up in this environment and it is the only way they know how to act. This is through no fault of their own but through circumstantial and environmental upbringing. This is their internal survival.

Do they need therapy? Yes, they do. But it is whether they recognise that they have any issues. Remember, it’s you, not them that has the problems. Some narcissists go through life destroying everything in their path. They go from partnership to partnership, crushing their victims and moving on to the next having a this same attitude. They can be in high powered managerial jobs. Some may run their own business, that way they are in control of everyone.

Can you help them? No, but you can help yourself, by raising your self esteem and dressing how you want to dress. Choose your own friends and go out with who you want to go out with. To not be on guard in case they check your mobile or your emails. Realise that it is perfectly normal and healthy to have friends of the opposite sex. To be able to say what you want without fear of the repercussions. Be your own person. Be you!